5 Gym Familiars That You Know All Too Well

A guest post by Dave Adams, a Boston-based copywriter and very tall gym enthusiast.

If you’ve ever stepped – or lunged – into a gym, you’ve probably spotted a few of the familiar gym rats. There’s definitely a variety, but just like genus and species, all can be categorized.

I consider myself a master gym taxonomist so here’s a handy list of your typical barbellers and treadmill warriors.

1. Ellipt-iPad

Not only is he/she capable of a spontaneously sweaty selfie, but they’re also likely not going to get their heart rate up. Unless, of course, the e-book they’re reading suddenly takes a furiously surprising twist. When you bring more technology muscle than human muscle to the gym, you’re probably not going to get a good workout. The gym is not for reading things other than workout logs.

2. “Lift together, stay together”

Sometimes you’ll see couples workout out. If you swivel your head to the left, you’ll see me puking at the sight of couple curls. I’m not saying that it doesn’t make for a good workout. But I am saying that PDA isn’t appreciated in the gym or outside of it. Maybe a kiss after a push pull superset does have relationship building powers. I tend to think it just makes you focus more since you don’t want to be caught looking at some other cute guy or girl under the squat rack.

3. Mirror Selfie Star

Let’s be honest, we’ve all done it before. Shirt up, camera up, ego up. Pictures in front of the gym mirror are as common as imperfect deadlift technique. Not to say photo documentation of your hard work isn’t important. As a matter of fact, honest before and after pictures (week 1 to week 8 for example) can be extremely motivating. Those types of pictures are better in your own private home though. And you probably want to save those to your camera roll because I know your gym mirror selfie is heading straight to Snapchat where it’ll die in four seconds.

mirror selfie, gym, model, picture, fitness, health


4. Curling Creeper

This applies to girls too, but in my experiences, it’s been mostly guys. It’s tough being surrounded by Lululemon spandex. Is it such a crime that you notice a good fitting pair of yoga pants? Well, no. But it is incredibly unnerving and creepy. Focus on your workout, see results, and you’ll make yourself more attractive. Maybe in a few weeks people will be lustily – and creepily – staring at you. And you’ll probably find you don’t like it.

5. Know It All

Sometimes you’ll find these gym familiars leading a pack of workout newbies. They instruct and they deconstruct. They consider themselves trainers. Last time I checked, trainers are in shape. Usually these pseudo muscle connoisseurs are in need of a coach of their own. It’s great that they’re getting to the gym, but not so great that the coaching is more like guessing, which leads to gym techniques that are more like guidelines. Guidelines usually result in injuries, not muscles.


There are many more gym familiars. The list is infinite. I’ll be back in my taxonomy lab until the end of time classifying where the rest of them fall. Don’t even get me started with spin class heroes.

3 Things That Only Skinny Guys Hear

A guest post by Dave Adams, a Boston-based copywriter and very tall gym enthusiast.

Skinny guys can be found hitting the gym hard to fight off the people that call them skinny. As you might not recognize, skinny guys – and girls – tend to face lots of criticism about being too skinny. These criticisms are usually what gets them to the gym, in the squat rack, and sweating buckets.

Here are 3 things that skinny people hear on the reg and how they should respond.

1. “Are you eating enough”?

Hold on, let me remove these 18 burgers from my mouth so I can answer you.

patrick burgers spongebod


2. “Have you tried hitting the gym”?

Come again? I’m too sore to turn my head to hear you. Pain. So much pain.

fight club


3. “One day, you’ll with you were skinny again.”

Um, no. One day, I’m going to wish you’d shut up. I want to be big. Like Stewie Griffin big.



At least skinny guys have an automatic 6-pack in the summer. Especially with beach season upon us.

Skinny or not, a personal trainer can totally help you figure out a training, fitness or diet program.  And that’s what Mark Samara, personal trainer does at Commonwealth Sports Club in Boston, MA every day.

The Voluptuous Vending Machine

A guest post by Dave Adams, a Boston-based copywriter and very tall gym enthusiast.

It’s hard to resist snacks. Health and nutrition consistency is not always easy.

We know that abs are made in the kitchen. Knowing the nutritional value of your food can go a long way…like from your chest to your tapered waist.

We can safely assume that vending machines are not commonly found in kitchens. But apparently they can hide anywhere.

vending machine camo 2

Maybe one day we’ll have vending machines packed with fruits and veggies. “Press C7 for carrot sticks.” Until that dreamy day is upon us, we’ll need to make smart snacking decisions. The vending machine doesn’t have to be an evil, fat-storing, candy-chamber. Flip it on it’s head. Well, actually, flip it around.

Try to look past the shiny label that begs you to make a muscle depleting decision. Think about what’s on the less pretty nutrition label. It will feel good to be informed about your food. You’ll be making a good decision for your brain and your biceps.

vending machine nutrition label

Fortunately, it looks like that dreamy day of nutrition information on vending machines is quickly approaching. VendScreen, a leading developer of vending industry cashless payment technology, is working to make it happen!

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has laid down a set of regulations that will require point-of-purchase consumer food options to list caloric information. VendScreen is looking to do more. Basically, you’ll be able to see the full nutritional information of any product in the machine. So. Much. Information. I’m. So. Excited. You should be too.

Unfortunately, this FDA regulation won’t apply to everybody. Owners and operators of the anti-muscle food dispenser (aka vending machine) must own more than 20 machines. That’s a lot sinful snacks.

The key takeaway here is not to be fooled by the pretty packaging. “Don’t judge a book by its cover” applies not only to dating, friendships, but also…vending machines. Oh, and keep those biceps happy.